Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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