i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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