Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
