I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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