So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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