I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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