I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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