My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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