I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
so much tequila, so little girl.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
