i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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