I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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