U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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