I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
