help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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