Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
