i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
