I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
