He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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