I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
