I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
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