i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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