hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
