that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
