DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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