A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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