I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
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why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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