Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
