I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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