Someone shit on the floor
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
