can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
