my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
