I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
