you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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