he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
