I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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