I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
