he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
