My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
