WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
