what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All the doctor said was why
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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