Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
