Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
