he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
