went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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