haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
