Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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