I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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