she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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