If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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