drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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