Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
3pm strippers are depressing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
