there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
