your room smells of hookers.
And success
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
