apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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