Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
