I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
