$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
