Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
