like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
