4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
