Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
