I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
