Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
