the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
