I think I won the penis lottery.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
