I must be too annoying 4 u.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
