I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
