I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
