She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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