you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
