3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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