Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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