I wanna bring you to show and tell
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
