How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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