its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize