Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
